The World which begins with the word “Me”

For the sky

For the earth

For life

And for all astonished things that happened above them

The World which begins with the word “Me”

Me

I am an ordinary child, grow in an ordinary environment, and from an ordinary family.

Since the first time I cried, untill later that I transformed into no one. Nothing change so big – to become someone like what happened to Tobey Maguire, Adolf Hitler, Michael Owen, and other kids who has made this world so wonderful with their coming.

I am – in this 23 years old – still being that child whom you can see in a mess and haven’t finished my study yet. Actually I am a drop out student. But well, I’ve tried to do my best, yaps, to be a good photographer. Am a bald-headed, my eyes are round and brown like marbles made from clay. I force myself not to wear glasses to help my sight because I don’t want to be more old-fashioned from Harry Potter. I have an ordinary body, really not athletic. Actually I do hate breakfast. Breakfast makes my brain stop. My energy comes from glasses of caffeine from coffee.

That’s my appearance when people see me in 30 seconds.

More than that, people intend to see me as a suck, selfish, and too much kidding. My brain is heavier in the right side, I guess. Maybe that’s the reason why in these years of college, I just get nothing but confused and sick.

I really hate something routine and forced. I hate every system in this world, fanatic to religion, politic, well-ordered language, and polite rules. Or, such a thing like that. I prefer such a simple thing and a mess without pattern; if we shake hot water, sugar, and coffee without measure it, at the end it will turn into a pattern that is a really nice coffee. Well, eventhough that’s me, I am still refused to be put in a list of rebellions. Am not a kind of people who like to gather with some jerk, hang out and say something rude on the street, mock to the anarchy government. They just people who are in bad condition, who incidentally stupid.

I’m trying my best to get away from something certain. Science is one of the things. I’m really appreciate with someone who can love and live in this kind of thing. But for me something certain in this world is this moment, this time, this second. More than it is just a prediction. Many people think that I’m a kind of introvert girl for some parts of my life. But actually it’s all wrong. I just don’t want this world to see me as a more freak girl, well, just believe me that, you will never understand to be called as “a mars alien who wears sandals”.

My other hobbies are brushing my teeth and reading. Two different feelings that I have from both are loving of loneliness and deep hatred. After finishing my routine taking a bath and starting brushing my teeth, then I am thinking how clean I am. But, when I am in front of the mirror, I see the other side of me trapped there. Struggling to get out and join with this free side. At last, I end it up by spitting the mirror.

I always like to mix anything. This truth can be seen from the diversity things in my room. Books, camera, negative film, my last project printing, laptop, charger of a friend’s of friend, coffee glass which fell, dirty clothes, and hundred of paper roll. All make the really life sense.

Many things that I can’t understand and I don’t wanna understand in this life. One of them is why people keep asking whether “much” is right and “a little” is wrong. God is only one and He is the truth. Guilties are billion, do they want to be called as innocents also? You are confused, aren’t you? The same, me too.

One of a few things that I believe beside that God is exist, is that the truth is not exist. There is only mistake. The truth is one of the people fantasy who are scared of hell. What is right in this world? Whatever the truth, there must be a small space which can lead people to say that is wrong. Nevertheless, the mistake is still the mistake. Do not care with the truth inside.

I’m breathing everyday and walking with such a thing. I’m not insane. Well, a small part in my brain gives me different thinking from other people.

It’s hard to be human, isn’t it?

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~ by Indira Singgih on February 2, 2011.

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