Feel that way!

•September 9, 2011 • 1 Comment

Me - Backside

What would your life be like if you were living at the most meaningful and fulfilled level you can imagine? If you want to be that way, then choose to feel that way.

Your desires are yours because of the way you expect they will make you feel. Yet no matter what your outside situation may be, your inner feelings are yours to choose in any flavor, at any time, in any circumstance.

By choosing the feelings that resonate with your dreams, you give real substance and life to those dreams. By deciding to feel that way, you become that way.

Though it may seem sometimes your feelings simply come over you, that’s not the way it happens. Whatever you feel is what you have, by habit or by intention, chosen to feel.

So instead of feeling hopeless, decide to feel empowered. Instead of feeling angry or bitter, frustrated or fearful, choose to feel determined and effective.

Allow your most positive, affirming feelings to fill your awareness. And ride along with those feelings as they find real expression in the substance of your life.


Me, Music, and Emotion

•September 5, 2011 • 11 Comments

Prewords: I think that all the silence is worse than all the violence…

It is very difficult to live without music. We hear music everywhere: in the streets, at home, over the radio, and on TV, in the shops, in the parks, and in the concert halls. We can’t live without music, it is within us. We like to listen to music and play it. Music charges us like a battery and fills us with the energy. It reflects mood and emotions.

It’s amazing how a song can bring you up, push you to go further, make you feel stronger, not so alone, and just make you cry uncontrollably.  Music is so much more than a mechanical progression through a series of pitches. In fact, the grand part of music is emotion.

No matter on people around you and no matter on the kinds of their characters, I mean, no matter how sweet and kind they are, there are times when you need the whole world to be gone and you need to stay all alone with your own self. Though, it is not that easy to make this world gone and it is twice difficult to make this whole world go out of your head. And it is music, the only thing that can help you get rid of these thoughts and that can help you feel like there is nothing but you and nothing but those thoughts and feelings you care about right this moment.

You choose the music you love and it is music different from everything you are listening for fun. It is the special music you listen for not so often but you will never refuse it no matter on what. It is the kind of music that is hidden somewhere on your PC and you play it only in those cases when you need this world to leave you alone. You put on your headphones, you turn on your music, you start to play it, and then you cry, or maybe it can brings you a smile. It takes a couple of seconds for this world to leave you alone with this music.

Music for me is a language. It’s a perfect media to confess or express something without words. Music is a part of my life, our life, everywhere for anyone…

I am exist… We are exist…

•August 3, 2011 • 1 Comment

A Portrait


Just opened several website and found this, “Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.”

Yeah, more than 365 day and I am still exist…

I know, maybe it sounds a bit strange but it’s okay to be sentimental sometimes.

Someone ask me how it’s like? For me, it’s like rats crawling up. Hufffttt, but it’s just time which can make everything so beautiful. The time which can make you and I will forget -or at least decrease- the painful we felt. If –maybe- we must let go of each other, that’s not the fault of something or someone. Nothing wrong cause this is life which take us to it’s line. Just like the river which leads to the ocean at the end, just like that what we are now. We need to feel the dew, understand every flutter of the butterfly’s wings, smile to every new morning, thankful to every heal of the breath –which all- very precious. You will understand later that those are something which makes this world keep on moving. It moves to every flame of soul, the hidden frighten, the singing tears, the big steps of the braver, and for all who still want to enjoy the move. Don’t let the cloud of the last yesterday rain, catch us and cover how flame you are in the darkness. Just dance and turn around. Because this wound can make us stronger. What we need to do is loose a bit of that grip and let us fall. But I believe we will forget it fast and learn to wake up without anybody’s help because we can. We can learn, can’t we?

My hubby is… ah what to say again?! I losing words. He is the one who said that I am a beautiful-bald-head, Casper in his life, and the most important thing for him. He is the one who stand still beside me when I wanna go.  The one who still believe that losing my hair is normal, gaining weight is a plus, sleeping late is acceptable, living with my parents is a good idea, and doing nothing is forgivable.  You will never know the feeling, I swear! You will never ever know the feeling, to be like me and to have someone like him in your side!

Many things that I have to throw away in my life, but really, I’m happy with this. Especially to have and be had by the eyes which I swear really comfortable to me. Just sitting, talking, drinking coffee together, laughing, kidding, and some claps of hand in the shoulder. I don’t know what to write. I just feel something -warm come up– inside. I feel that the mountain ice inside of me is melting slowly and starts to perform it’s original. Yeah, there were the times when we used to be so free. I love the time like this. The time when there are only me and him, yeah just us. We who talk with heart. We who are very simple, for everything…

There was a star inside, but it starts to fade. My dear, whatever happen in our life, I just want you to know that we are something…

I love you and will always be.

8888 days old…

•July 10, 2011 • Leave a Comment

8888 days old today. What a nice day! I end up on the beach again. I really enjoy to spend my time here. Planning, thinking, praying for forgiveness.

The weather changes, just like all of us. We change. We once knew each other. We once laughed together. We were together in the same box named mad. We are all together gone in the humming of our own world. What world has done to us, friends?


Yes, nothing. The world is stay still with its all the living and unliving things. We are just some kinds of people –just the same with them- who lick and be a bitch. For money, for time, for the world, for work! Hey, it’s okay. It’s not bad anyway.

How do I want to meet you all like the time we spent before. Just look at the back, we were there. Yeah, us. Just us. Without me, without you, just “us”. We played, laughed, chased each other, without thinking that someday we were gonna be different or be an enemy.

If we can’t meet right now, never say that we don’t know each other. Yeah, you’re so busy running and I’m so busy with job, with my own life, and my husband. Husband??? Ahahaha, yeah, I am officially him. It’s a normal thing in the story of life, isn’t it? Time can make everything to be so beautiful. Sometime I really can forget the hatred. I swear!!!

If you are with someone you really love, then be happy. I’m happy for you also. And if you’re still alone, I hope you will meet your ‘L’

L = l.a.s.t

L = l.o.v.e

L = last love

Some people said that the art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. Hmm, yeah life is hard but it’s not harder than I thought it’d be – I thought it would be hard.  It just goes on, and on, and on again. I suppose I’m grateful, then, for some ‘funny and stupid’ things that happened to me, they tell me that those bad days will comes back . Hufftt, just let’s not talk about it…

I just wanna be happy, enjoy my day, and turn on my music.

I will spend much time here, I don’t want to get home too fast!

Please always be here with me, can you?

•June 3, 2011 • Leave a Comment

3 - with Martin

The west sky has started to red, time to step, again. Please always be here with me, can you?! Yesterday and tomorrow we will always together. And this sorrow has no meaning at all. Just whatever what they want to say. Whatsoever.

The reality of life is like this, so what to say? We are all in the hole of life. We are absorbed inside and can not move out because the power of the absorbance is stronger than us. I have tried to make something better that we can be proud of later, whatever what and how the result will be, because I don’t care at all, whoever, whenever, and however. Hurrraaayyy!!!

So, what to say again, I have tried, if they still say that I’m wrong or they didn’t care to me, hmm… it’s not my fault, that’s their problem then.

My head just aches when I think of the things that they should have done, why they did it, or all the shit that they did. I will forget it, or maybe, I will make it fade away. Because I want to be someone better, yaps, someone better for you.

Life is for living, we all know, and I don’t wanna live it alone.

The Meaning of Sisterhood

•May 8, 2011 • Leave a Comment

self portrait - bw

Sisterhood is to whom we put the soul, but not run to take it. To whom we tell the dream, but not laugh of it. To whom we tell tragedy, but not take pity on it. Sisterhood is the soul to laugh together, dream, sometimes cry, mock, quarrel, spit, and all the things called time and feel.

Sisterhood is the life where there is no secret even no words.

Yawning and looking the clock, she opens the door in the middle of the night for us. After get angry, she follows to the mud. Laughing when we are sad; whereas deep in heart, she really wants to hug us. Slapping our shoulder when we wanna leave, She will definitely turn around, but go back and bring a huge bag to travel together…

Among the soul blessed of feeling… there are you.

Yes, that’s you…

Thank you.

A House

•April 19, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Self Portrait - Half Naked

What is the meaning of a house?

The house is not the thing or a place. But a house is something you remember when you’re far away. It is home. Is peacefull and cool. Is the present for them who step so far away with their legs, far or close. But I’m still doubt. Do we really need that? Do we have it? Or do we need to have and own a ‘home’


A place I don’t know where. Well, it’s not here I guess. Not in the hotel. Not in the big and huge building, or in the street. I think everyone in this world has her own position in this fool stupid, named life. And when I’m in my position right now, I want you to see it from different side.

Just like a shrimp in the ocean, I have to swim all the way around just for this piece fragile soul. I want you to understand. Really, I want you to understand. And when I’m a small fish, I want you to be the pool…

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